It occurred to me far-too-late in the blog-blast game, about when my coffee took effect this morning. I’d been wracking my brain to wax eloquently with TEAM colleagues about building positive relationships for weeks and had neglected to ask the experts in our very own school. We’ve got counselors, chaplains, administrators galore that have thought deep and hard about these issues, that work tirelessly to design lessons and experiences and programs to nurture a set of relationship and communication skills. I caught up with just two such amazing humans and share their thoughts below:
What programming do we have in place in your division that has helped build positive relationships?
Sarah: Affinity Groups, Advisory Council, Classroom Visits with face to face interactions, and Meeting with Students
Jessica: Throughout our Human Growth and Development lessons we talk about healthy relationships. This includes healthy communication, friendships, and boundaries. We want the students to have tools for self-advocacy and awareness for what may be unhealthy in a relationship whether it is a friendship, a trusted adult, or a romantic relationship.
What goals do you have for future initiatives or programming to help build positive relationships?
Sarah: Establish an empowerment clubs for girls in the middle and upper school. Where they will learn and gain positive resources and tools to help them growth their confidence and self esteem.
Jessica: We continue to expand lessons for Human Growth and Development. We have “lunch and learns” with the junior and senior students and we plan to talk about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. This will focus more on romantic relationships, dating violence, consent, etc.
What are the biggest issues or barriers we have at SA in relation to building positive relationships?
Sarah: Trust and effective ways to communicate. To not be afraid if conflict arise, but finding healthy solutions to solve them. Avoiding confrontations because it is uncomfortable.
Jessica: Sometimes it is hard to connect with students and colleagues when we are preoccupied with our own challenges. I think when we stop and listen to them, then we can build empathy.
You often work with students one-on-one or small groups to get a close perspective we as teachers may miss. What do you wish teachers knew about the challenges that youth you are meeting with are facing?
Sarah: The ability to be honest about themselves because students want to fit in so badly and their home life outside of SA.
Jessica: Many students that I see feel a lot of pressure to “keep it together.” They need to eat well, deal with issues at home or with friendships, make sure they are in extracurricular activities/sports, build their college resume, and keep up with school work- all while being tempted with social media, video games, and peer pressure. I often feel that students believe teachers don’t fully understand the weight of these expectations. Like us, they are human, and their brains are still developing as they learn to cope with the complexities of life.
What resources, theories, books, bodies of knowledge might we as teachers find helpful when encountering complicated collegial or student relationship issues?
Sarah: Theories like Restorative Practice,Conflict Resolution Theory, Social Learning Theory; Creating safe spaces in your classroom for your students. Modeling empathy, kindness, grace, and respect.
Anything else you want to share (a story, advice, anything) on the topic of building positive relationships at school?
Sarah: Having positive relationships will lead to overall positive success. We all have a story and students are in the bulk of figuring out who they are and we are part of their story in a big and small way. I believe in seeing the whole child and valuing their voice, but still offering guidance to help them in the long run. Taking the time out a busy schedule to connect with a student, by one remembering their name, and hear what makes them unique and special. Their likes/dislikes/fears, but reassuring to them that they are going to be ok and be supported in more ways than one.
Jessica: Most people at SA do care deeply about their students and have empathy for their students and coworkers. Many times we just need to stop and listen so that we can communicate effectively with each other.