Note: All credit for the idea of this blog post goes decidedly to Anna Frame.
Four/fifths of the Rust household has been obsessed lately with the very edifying and high-quality reality show, Dance Moms. I won’t tell you which four out of the five love it, but let me just say you might be surprised. I am a strong believer that one can learn a lot from junk food TV. For example Love is Blind has really driven home for me the facts that (1) love is in approximately zero ways blind and (2) thank GOD I am not 20-28 years old and looking for a spouse.
But enough about that. Back to Dance Moms. The central arc of conflict in the show involves the conflict between the terrifying dance coach (Abby Lee) and the weirdly-overly-involved-and-nicely-dressed dance moms. Usually the interplay goes something like this:
Abby Lee: I will pit your children against each other for the sake of making them better! I will make them practice for like 6 hours after school even though they are six years old and this will prepare them for their lifelong dream of becoming a Rockette. I will make them learn their dance five hours before the competition and this has nothing to do with my disorganization and everything to do with making them better.
Dance Mom: You love other girls (aka the standout dancer “Maddie”) more than more than my baby! You clearly are beating them down. My child does better with positive affirmation; why do you yell all the time? Stop punishing my child just because you don’t like me. She needs rest, not more practice. Why did you forget my kid’s costume?
Honestly, usually both sides are sort of right. I have a soft spot for Abby Lee because I feel like she is playing up her mean personality for the cameras, and from time to time she slips out of character and you see her soften up, laughing with the kids. Also, I can’t really stand how well dressed those moms are at dance practice. And they constantly get to go to bars and nice restaurants to just chat? I know it’s for TV, but COME ON. Do these people have jobs?
Well you may or may not know that last Friday, St. Andrew’s fourth grade participated in a Science Fair, something they haven’t done for quite awhile. To be fair, Rolando Roman has almost nothing in common with the intimidating Abby Lee Miller. And we mommas of fourth graders dumb enough brave enough to let our kids sign up for science fair were not about to put on formalwear and makeup for the camera crew. Still, as we discussed our shared love for Dance Moms after a soccer practice last week, Anna Frame came up with what it possibly her best idea yet: a new reality show called (drumroll please) . . .
SCIENCE FAIR MOMS!
Consider this blog our pitch to the big TV producers, and definitely plan for Anna and I to be central characters. Here are some high drama highlights that could ensue:
- Parents texting each other in a panic when they realize: “SCIENCE FAIR IS LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY! Arghhhh it used to seem so far away!”
- Julie saying the phrase “qualitative coding” and “convenience sample” over and over again until Emma Papadimitrou and Alianna Rust faint out of boredom.
- Parental bribery: “if you finish this “application” write up for your poster, we will go out and get you ice cream!”
- Parents freaking out when they realize their printers don’t print color. . . or that their printers don’t print 36 by 48 posters from Canva . .. or that their printers aren’t printing at all and they need to put in an order to FedEx
- Parents fighting over which house their collaborating kids should work at. “Oh they work so much better at YOUR house!” “Oh no no, I couldn’t take that joy away from you; they work better at YOUR house!”
- That excitement-filled award’s ceremony at the end!
The truth is that Rolando’s leadership of the science fair was fabulous in a non-scary-Abby-Lee sort of way. The fourth graders were positively buzzing with joy as they set up their posters and shared what they learned with each other. I am convinced we need more opportunities for kids to step up and do hard, difficult things for real audiences outside of their regular teachers. Really all it took on Rolando’s end was creating a science guide, finding judges, and setting up an event. The kids and parents figured out the rest, and I was so grateful for the push to actually talk about science with my child. So rarely do we actually share our expertise with people we love the most.
But for the TV audience of Science Fair Moms, Anna Frame and I could definitely play up some conflict. Just saying.