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Can We Talk About Building Positive Relationships?: Upper School Edition

This post was contributed by Burton Williams-Inman.

Ladies and gents! Thanks so much for taking some time to read my first ever blog blast contribution. I am thrilled to be writing and hope that there’s a word of wisdom or encouragement to be found here. 

In my first year of teaching, I often relied upon my age and the fact that I was fresh out of grad school (ie. the young/cool teacher and that’s why students would tolerate my class and want to listen to my words). My first year of teaching was at a high school in central VA called Monticello High School and I actually taught in their mechatronics lab (a makerspace of sorts); I was teaching “engineering”, but it was essentially a shop class combined with some newer technologies (3-D printing, CNC routers, and laser cutters). While that year’s experience is an entirely different blog post (a comical one, I promise), the first day of school I used an “ice breaker” I learned in a grad school class of mine that, when used correctly, can be a neat way to engage students and let them reveal their personalities:

Students write four statements about themselves and the goal is for the statements to get more specific and exclusive in descending order on the notecard. After collecting the notecards, the whole class starts each round standing and as the teacher reads each statement, students sit if it does not apply to them. Hopefully, this will leave one student standing after the final statement is read aloud – they’re encouraged to write something incredibly specific for the last statement, so much so that it could only be them left standing at the end. This often prompts a funny story or something random that the classmates’ peers hadn’t known.

On the first day of school I played this game with my whole first class and, instead of following the encouraged path of only reading a few cards a day for a few days in a row, we, as a class, did all 25ish cards that day. In hindsight, I’m able to see that I was likely too nervous or shortsighted to recognize my immediate mistake. Going through all 25ish cards in one fell swoop was honestly exhausting and the effect wasn’t even close to being fun or cool or whatever I was hoping for. Most every student was tired of playing this game for the past almost 30 minutes or so and the game no longer had its “flavor”. We, as a class, also now had no cards to return to at the start of subsequent classes. I wasn’t even aware that I had burned my ace. I’ll offer a few thoughts that can be ~loosely~ tied to the story above.

Point #1:

Point #2:

Point #3:

Here are a few examples from teachers at St. Andrew’s that I think embody this well:

  1. Thomas Riesenberger – at a PD session years ago he shared that he will, from time to time, let students chit chat and mill about as he pretends to get things squared away on his computer for the first few minutes of class. He tells them he needs to take care of a couple of things before getting started and lets them just hang out. However, he keeps an ear out for interesting bits of conversation that he can then ask follow up questions about in the moment or even bring up later. Is this spying?? Absolutely not, it’s smart and cool and I can attest that it works!
  2. Matt Luter – each week he dedicates a bit of time at the beginning of Monday’s class where he asks his students to tell stories from their weekend. Please ask him about this!! I’m not spoiling the title here because I think it’s a genuinely good one, but he will often not even start class until someone has braved the (sometimes) silence with a story about their weekend. Along with getting a glimpse into their lives and hearing how they view themselves among their peers, it also “encourages them to see their own lives as containing stories that are worth sharing” (Dr. Luter off the top rope!!). I have also done versions of this and it can be a very funny way to get a glimpse into what our students view as a “highlight” or story, as well as simply hear how their weekend went.
  3. Burton Williams-Inman – the point of this is not me, by any means, but I couldn’t not share that I recently started playing fantasy football (for the first time in my life) and it has truly given me conversation and rapport with SO many 9th grade male students. Would I get there without fantasy football – 9th grade bros are not the hardest group for me to bond with, so, probably yes. However, I also have an advisee (remaining nameless) who I have taught and/or advised going on four years now and we have never talked as much as when I showed him my fantasy roster and asked him about how his team is doing.

I think building positive relationships is just so crucial. I am not saying that many folks think otherwise and I realize I’m not breaking new ground or providing the day’s “hot take”. I’m simply saying that I also need a reminder that this can and should be a yearlong process, that we can integrate it into our classrooms without being cheesy (but also totally fine if we are, because I definitely are), and that the people around us are crushing it and are incredible sources of inspiration. 

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